My name is Zack Harris, and I’m your host.
Over the next two podcasts We’re gonna talk about BECOMING CONFIDENT. I believe confidence has internal components and external components. So I want to talk to you about BECOMING INTERNALLY CONFIDENT this time and then we’ll talk about some really practical ways next time to BECOME EXTERNALLY CONFIDENT.
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I don’t know about you but...
I have battled with confidence in my life.
Not feeling like I’m a good enough husband, dad, leader, a friend. A funny look-awkward comment-Weird comment-Something doesn’t go as well as I planned-Criticism by others.
All of us Lack confidence the way we look!
You can’t see-BEING BALD
My friend Derek
I read a study that said in 2018 Americans spent 16.5 Billion in cosmetic surgeries. Whoa.
Self Talk: U can do this: Don’t blow this——Act most confident (Cocky)—most insecure!
3 different types of insecure people
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Weekend getaway. (That ain’t nuthin) 3 month—my island.
Had flu—New disease just discovered almost died—named after me.
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Tragedy—how often our insecurities keep us from following dreams.
Don’t interview for the job, Don’t go back to school, Don’t start a business
Don’t ask her out. Don’t even try to get in shape.
So many people lack confidence.
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So as we think about BECOMING INTERNALLY CONFIDENT I want to lay a foundation for this podcast and then we’ll get more practical. I think all of us would like to BECOME more confident. Here’s what I know, if my car stops running efficiently or has mechanical issues, I can’t go to the car wash, get the car nice and clean looking, vacuum it out, spray some nice air freshener, and then expect the car to now start running well. No, obviously it has mechanical issues. I need to go to the mechanic and pop the hood. I have to look inside.
“What we believe about the inside, manifests itself on the outside.”
I want to address the transmission, then we can polish the car.
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So how do we BECOME INTERNALLY CONFIDENT? I’m sure there are dozens of examples but I’ll focus on two that I think are incredibly important.
And the first is this, to become internally confident you really need to…
Unfortunately for so many people and maybe this is your story, you didn’t grow up with parents that spoke encouraging words to you. Maybe the exact opposite happened. You were told you weren't good enough, would never measure up, you were a failure. Or maybe you were in a relationship where you were emotionally wounded and it scarred your Internal confidence. I know it’s hard but we have to start here. We have to own our stories, our past, and say yeah maybe I struggle with internal confidence because I have a low view of myself.
Now this is my inner Pastor coming out, but I want you to know you aren’t who others say you are, you are who God says you are. You are valuable, you are a masterpiece, you are a perfect design made for a purpose and a destiny, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, hand crafted by God, you are beautiful, brilliant, YOU ARE SPECIAL.
This thought actually transformed my inner confidence. Max Lucado is an author and he said “You are valuable because you exist. Not because of what you do or what you have done, but simply because you are.”
Wow, think about that, internalize that. (BRING THIS HOME….)
Thankfully I had parents who spoke life giving words into my life.
Although I had parents who spoke LIFE into me, I’ve also had many people say things about me that wounded me and hurt me, shook me, rattled my confidence. I’m sure you have as well.
Ghandi said I love this quote “I won’t let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”
I’ve had to choose to not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet. We have to choose the voices we listen to.
If we are going to BECOME INTERNALLY confident, we have to start here. Do you love yourself? Do you see worth when you look in the mirror?
You may have to write a letter to yourself that reads:
Dear Me,
Make peace with the mirror and watch the reflection change.
When you do this you’ll look in the mirror and genuinely like who you see.
BECOMING INTERNALLY CONFIDENT starts with Loving yourself and
And the second way to become internally confident, you need to
Toxic; anything containing poisonous material capable of causing sickness or
Even death.
And if I’m honest, there have been so many times my thoughts have been toxic. This has been a battle for me.
Many of life's battles are either won or lost in the mind. No one talks to you more than you talk to you. Right?
I was really battling anxious thoughts, discouraging feelings, and it began to overwhelm me. I knew I needed to find a solution, some actual skills to address these feelings. I’m all about prayer but I also think there are skills you can develop to help. And so my friend recommended this book to me called “Feeling Good” by Dr. David Burns. He’s a therapist and it addresses how you can diagnose your feelings, your moods, anxiety, guilt, low self-esteem, and he gives tools to help you overcome these challenges.
He says, “Every bad feeling you have is the result of your distorted negative thinking.”
They are described in his book as cognitive distortions. Here’s a few he lists in his book.
READ A FEW FROM BOOK
Which do you struggle with? All of them? Haha
This was truly transformational for me because if we are going to BECOME internally confident we must identify and reject toxic thoughts.
I want to give you one practical example to combat this. He talks about it in the book and it's called the triple column technique.
You have an automatic thought: I never do anything right
You identify the cognitive distortion: Overgeneralization
Then you replace with the rational response: That’s nonsense. I do a lot of things right.
Your boss calls or texts and says “I’d like to talk to you…
Automatic Thought: They are going to tell me something really bad, I’m going to get fired.
Cognitive distortion: Jumping to conclusions
Rational response: I’m sure they just want to update me on something important
Many of us are not becoming who you want to become because you are locked in a deception of lies.
So what are we going to do? We are going to LOVE OURSELVES and understand we have incredible value simply because we exist. And then we are going to IDENTIFY AND REPLACE TOXIC THOUGHTS.
Our lives are moving in the direction of our strongest thoughts. We will identify those cognitive distortions and then we will replace them with truth.
This isn’t easy and truly will be a daily process. But I believe if we do this we will BECOME internally confident.
Couple Application Questions to consider:
Well I hope this was helpful to you. Since we are just getting this podcast started it would mean so much if you gave this podcast a review or if this is really valuable to you, I’d really appreciate you sharing this on your social media that would mean so much to me.
In the word of George Elliot, It’s never too late to be what you might have been. So let’s declare “I AM BECOMING.
AND REMEMBER, YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES, YOU WERE MEANT TO THRIVE.
See ya next time